Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Overheard at Table 3: Figgy Pudding

Otis Redwing: ... and about these Christmas carols, just what the hell is 'figgy pudding'?

Lucky Moran: I think it's a euphemism for 'pussy'.

Otis: 'We won't go until we get some'?

Lucky: Exactly!

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Overheard at Booth 3: Rittenhouse

"Don't worry!  Kyle Rittenhouse will have justice.  This newfound fame and glory in the Conservative Right is gonna skyrocket him to megastar status!"

"How is that justice?"

"It's gonna kill him.  He's not prepared.  He not trained for it.  He's got no coping mechanisms.  He'll ride the high and then burn out.  Sputter.  They're gonna find him in a closet with tons of coke in his system, just another rich bloke dead from autoerotic asphyxiation."

"So gross."

Monday, November 22, 2021

Overheard at Booth 2: Monday Morning in Wisconsin

Billy: Someone drove their SUV through a Christmas Parade in Wisconsin this weekend.

Joe: How many got killed this time?

Jim: 5, I heard.

Bob: Must've felt threatened.

Billy: Probably acting in self-defense.

Joe: Another shot in the War on Christmas.

Jim: Prob'ly a Lone Wolf.

Bob: Some guy just having a bad day.

Billy: Depends.  What's his ethnicity?

Joe: That'll decide whether the cops stopped to get him a burger...

Jim: ... or 7 bullets in the back.

Bob: Yup.  Bad days for everyone.

Billy: All around.

Friday, November 19, 2021

Overheard at Table 1: Self-Defense

Jimmy: Of course it was self-defense.  He went in there knowing he was gonna need it for self-defense.  Those Antifa are some violent motherfuckers.

Kreg: Funny.  Didn't see them attacking anybody who didn't have a rifle.

Jimmy: That's because Biden doesn't want you to see those images.   Antifa that night killed two others.

Kreg: They did, did they?  How do you know.

Jimmy: I saw the images.

Kreg: Thought you said Biden somehow didn't let those images get out.

Jimmy: I did research.

Kreg: Research?  What kind of research?

Jimmy: Searching the web, dude.  Wake up!

Thursday, November 18, 2021

Overheard at Table 2: The Boring Conversationalist

God, my wife just ripped me a new one today.  Says I don't shower right, I don't put on body lotion right, called me stupid for not seeing that the bottle was empty, which is why she had it tilted over on its side sot that we can get the remaining out of it.  Then she went on some rant about how she wants to go out with her friends more because all we ever talk about is work and I don't have anything interesting to say.

What a great pick-me-up!  Whee!  So glad I'm not a suicidal depressive or anything!

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Overheard at Table 3: One Joke About Marriage

You know I normally don't like jokes that make fun of marriage, but I thought of one the other day that I kinda like: it goes like this...

When we celebrated our 16th anniversary, I told my wife, "Our marriage can now get its drivers license."

When we celebrated our 18th anniversary, I told my wife, "Our marriage can now vote!"

At our 21st anniversary, "Our marriage can now legally drink."

At our 25th anniversary, I said, "It's time for our marriage to stop playing video games and get a job and move out!"