Saturday, March 31, 2012

Overheard at Table 3: John Carter

I think John Carter's getting a bad rap. They're calling it the biggest flop of the last ten years - they're comparing it to Howard the Duck, for goshshakes!
As long as they don't compare it to Gigli, it should be OK.
Sorry, I think they are.
Ooh. That sucks.
But it's not that bad a movie! The wife, the kids, we all liked it. It had all the elements: lots of action, blue alien blood splattered all over the camera, huge monsters, swinging blades, laser cannons, gigantic explosions - man as I was watching it I was thinking this was gonna be big! A big hit! I saw it the first day it came out - my wife had actually just finished reading the book and was totally excited. She was thinking the actor was totally hot. My daughters as well, so I figured, cool, if that gets me to a sci-fi flick with lots of kickin alien ass, who am I to complain?
Sounds all right.
So I was thinking this has all the elements of all those big hit movies - you know, like Avatar and the first three Star Wars chapters. It had all the special effects that makes these movies hits. The plot might have been a bit thin in places, but with all the scenery and the CG aliens, a cool loyal dog, I just don't get why it wasn't a hit. I mean, there's a scene where the alien bodies are piling up all around him and he's just hacking and slashing and slaying - which was actually from chapter one of the second book, the Gods of Mars, but this movie kind of blended both A Princess of Mars and the second book, but hey, when you've got a scene where he guts his way through a two-story tall furry ape monster, and rips out the back and drops to the ground of the arena dreched in blue blood and five thousand four-armed aliens are cheering insanely, how can a movie like that not be a hit in this day and age?
Marketing, maybe?
Maybe so. I mean, other movies are hits before they even hit the screen. They've already got action figures and happy meals. Something tells me that somebody else makes hits and breaks movies before the public even sees them.
I'm coming to believe that's probably been the case for a long time.
Except of course, for those indie films that just happen to break out, you know, like Sex Lies and Videotape and The Blair Witch Project, but other than stuff like that, crap man, I think we're getting led around by the horns!
Sounds about right. For me, I was thinking this movie had to be a hit, I mean, it's got the name Disney all over it!
Sometimes you can just never tell!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Overheard at Table1: Great Mom

Ricky is saying, "I read this online yesterday and this really bugs me when they say this, but there was this mother in Arkansas or Arizona or somewhere, and they found her in her house, dead with her three kids. She had shot the three kids in the head and then killed herself. And get this, all the neighbors said she was a 'great mom.' 'Great mom!' Can you believe that? I say, no. No, sorry. She wasn't a great mom. A great mom doesn't shoot her children! I think that should be a prerequisite for being a great mom. Not murdering your children = great mom.

"My mom was a great mom. She wanted to kill us! But she never did!"

Overheard at Booth 3: Spanish Boots of Spanish Leather

Boy, 19: you know I'm gonna miss you like, freakin crazy, you know?

Girl, 19: don't worry, we'll text all the time and we'll skype and, hey, just let me know if there's anything you want, let me know, and i'll like, get it, and send it back to you, OK?

Boy: i don't want nothin, i just want you to come back soon, OK, I mean, i thought it was gonna be OK, but the closer it gets the weirder it feels, you know, this stuy in europe program, i mean, wow, it just like, hit me. you're gonna be GONE!

Girl: yeah but it's gonna be so like, freakin cool, i mean it's like freakin EUROPE, you know? and like, really, if you want me to get you anything, just tell me or text me and i'll like, buy it, really.

Boy: why do you keep asking me that when you know all i want is you. you got me singin old U2 songs here, and you keep asking me what i want? what i want right now is what i'm gonna want for every day you're gone for this semester. thank god you're coming back in 4 months!

Girl: yeah, about that . . . i was thinking that maybe i might stay for two semesters. i mean, they're gonna let me decide when i get there. i think it'll all just depend on how i feel about it.

Boy: oh. OK. that's cool . . . so, i guess there is something you can get me while you're there.

Girl: cool. what's that?

Boy: Spanish boots of Spanish leather.

Note: This beautiful picture I loaded from another blog, called
Ngorobob House:
Life From The Hill

....little notes and commentaries from a pink house
on the top of a tanzanian hill....
(to the blogger, if you wish me to remove the picture, I certainly will, as I mean no disrespect)

To readers: Looks like a nice little blog, maybe you should check it out.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

T-Shirt Left at Table Two

Lucky Moran holds it up and says, I think we should staple this to the front door!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Overheard at Booth 2: Sanitorium

Man, I really hate election years. At some point some doofus always brings up the English Only carpaydiem in order to rally the small minded, the ignorant . . .
- the vigilant . . .-tees!
yes, those! I mean, Sanitorium spewing about making Puerto Rico the 51st state if they learn English just shows the ignorance.
- How's that?
The PRs speak English about as poorly as they speak Spanish, which is, slurred and badly.
- Puerto Ricans: incoherant in TWO languages.
Absolutely straight up. I mean, who's he playing to? He's obviously not playing to the Ricans, he's playing to the same old right-of-nutbar in his own party - people he's already got locked down. The fringe . . .
- the only truth that Sanitorium speaks is that he's doing pretty dang well considering for every dollar he's spent, Romney has spent $60.
Gotta give him that. It's true that if they had had the same cash flow that Santorum would probably have tied up the nom about now. but something about that scares me even more.
- yeah, the "right-of-nutbar"of which you spoke?
They're on their way to the ultimate power grab. Carpaydiem! This year is not going to go well.
- Dang those Mayans were good. They knew the world would end in 2012. You think they foresaw a Santorum win.
I dunno. All I know is the letters of his name can be rearranged to spell "Mor Satun" - now, if those letters were something written by those Chik-Fil-A cows, what do you think the message would be.
- . . . spooky!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Overseen at Table 2: White Stripes, Afternoon Coffee

I was able to snap this yesterday afternoon, as Meg and Jack were taking a break from some secret session recordings they're currently undertaking at his studio on the next corner.

Should be interesting to see what they come up with after a few years' haitus working together, eh?

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Overheard at the Counter: Niall Carter's Childhood Name

One morning Niall Carter and John Steppenwolf and Lucky Moran were chatting at the counter over coffee about their parents' nicknames for them during childhood, and Niall (having grown up in Dun Laoghaire, was heard to say, "Well I have to admit that I was nearly six years old before I realized my name was NOT 'Cheeky Bollocks'!"

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Overheard at the Counter: Robert Earl Keen's Merry Christmas from the Family

Lucky Moran: Hey, Verble! Are you still taking songs for your ultimate Christmas album?

Verble: Niall, my fine sir, Christmas is a daily state of mind at the Z&T Acoustic Cafe. Whaddaya got?

Lucky: Well, I heard this on my leftie liberal pinko progressive radio station the other day, and as ashamed as it makes me to say, it just took me back to my ute.

John Steppenwolf: Your "ute" ?

Lucky: Yeah, my sordid ute, only my uncle's third wife didn't smoke Salem lights. She thought she was classy because she chainsmoked Virginia Slims.

Niall Carter (after a pause): That's not classy?

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him until he sang
Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, Noel
The First Noel

Carve the Turkey
Turn the ball game on
It's margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
We need some ice and an extension chord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
A box of Pampers, Marlboro Lights
Halelluja everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw the breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night, Silent Night, Oh Holy Night

Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
It's Bloody Marys
Cause We All Want One!
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
A box of Tampons, some Salem Lights
Halelluja, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the Family

Feliz Navidad!

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas partyWe were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnogLittle sister brought her new boyfriendHe was a MexicanWe didn't know what to think of him until he sangFeliz Navidad, Feliz NavidadBrother Ken brought his kids with himThe three from his first wife LynnAnd the two identical twins from his second wife Mary NellOf course he brought his new wife KayWho talks all about AAChain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, NoelThe First NoelCarve the TurkeyTurn the ball game onIt's margaritas when the eggnog's goneSend somebody to the Quickpak StoreWe need some ice and an extension chordA can of bean dip and some Diet RitesA box of Pampers, Marlboro LightsHalelluja everybody say cheeseMerry Christmas from the familyFred and Rita drove from HarlingenI can't remember how I'm kin to themBut when they tried to plug their motor home inThey blew our Christmas lightsCousin David knew just what went wrongSo we all waited out on our front lawnHe threw the breaker and the lights came onAnd we sang Silent Night, Silent Night, Oh Holy NightCarve the turkey turn the ball game onIt's Bloody MarysCause We All Want One!Send somebody to the Stop 'N GoWe need some celery and a can of fake snowA bag of lemons and some Diet SpritesA box of Tampons, some Salem LightsHalelluja, everybody say cheeseMerry Christmas from the FamilyFeliz Navidad!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Overheard at Table 4: Closing the Books

from 366.


and if you really want to make an accounting of it all, you
can definitely say this, that
when all was said and done there was infinitely more
done, I
think I read that on a bumpersticker once, or perhaps
it was on one of those metal plates,
custom made to look retro and sold
in gift shops in the Strand on
Galveston Island, down there by where
the glutted Americans families roll themselves every Sunday into
one of three carnival cruise liners, leaving behind
a city full of college students on Spring Break, darting
in and out of headshops to
buy glowinthedark condoms and
billowedglass bongs,

sold in the downstairs of historic buildings with
victorian facades, built by men who
plowed the land under and changed the course of the
very ocean itself, so that this island could become the place
where the world congregated, where all goods intersected,

where fortunes were made so strong they could never
be swept away by hurricanes, only
dribbled away
by simple-minded progeny,

and a succeeding century too slow to progress.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Overheard at Booth 3: Pandora Ads

I swear I'm just sitting there trying to add Iron and Wine to my Pandora radio and my wife suddenly jumps down my throat wanting to know why I'm looking at women's cleavage. I say 'what are you talking about?' and she says 'right there! you're looking at meeting singles!'

and I'm not looking at singles, I'm just sitting there listening to Pandora, it's those stupid ads they got all over the place, how am I supposed to know how to turn 'em off?

I swear, damn internet, always throwing bimbos at you, that and Viagra ads, what's that all about? I don't need Viagra! Do they know something I don't? Like, are they saying I'm gonna need it here pretty soon?

Scary thought!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Overheard at Table 1: How Dare You

from 366.


How dare you come here
. . . and cook my food.

How dare you come here
. . . and build my house.

How dare you come here
. . . and mow my lawn.

How dare you come here
. . . and clean my office.

How dare you come here
. . . and work the land.

How dare you come here
. . . and repair my roof.

How dare you come here
. . . and dig my new swimming pool.

How dare you come here
. . . and be a nanny for my babies.

How dare you come here
. . . and work in my meat packing plants.

How dare you come here
. . . so that, every time I happen to see you,

I gotta feel so

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Overheard at Table 3: the Truth

Basically, it all boils down to this: humanity, all of humanity, is pissed off because we know, at our core, that we just can't kill God.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Overheard at Booth 4: Black Bra on the Floor

from 366
The black bra, cast askance
in the middle of the bedroom floor,
a-once upon a time,
was a leftover
from a night of passionate desire,
and an youcouldntwaitto
get into
only signifies,
that you were too fatigued
to make it all the way to the hamper.
Sara: and you know what my husband told me last night?
Jen: what?
Sara: right as we were going to sleep, right as we were getting ready to go to sleep, he tells me
'honey, i saw your black bra right there, in the middle of the floor, right on the way to the bathroom today' and i said, 'yeah?' and he said, 'i remember when that used to mean the night before you were so hot for me you couldn't wait to jump me in bed'
Jen: yeah! and . . . ?!
Sara: and then he says, 'now it just means that you were too tired to make it all the way to the clothes hamper!'
Jen: oh! that is so sad!
Sara: i know, i told him 'when did we get so OLD!' and he says, 'we're not old, we're just middle aged' and so i said, 'so when did we get so BORING?!'

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Overheard at Table 3: Hotness

a guy on his cellphone:

"do I think you're hot? Baby, I KNOW you're hot. The question is - are you hot for ME?"

Friday, March 2, 2012

Overheard at Table 4: a Fanfare for the Common Man

"you know all these people are all up in arms about when you go online all these people know everything about you and they're gonna track you and they're gonna send you all these ads based on the places you go and things you like, and I gotta tell you I don't think it's as bad as all that, because
at least it shows SOMEBODY out there is paying attention to me!"