Thursday, June 26, 2014

A bumper sticker:


Overheard at Table Two: SoCo

So my wife really likes her Southern Comfort, and so we snuck some in to Captain America.  So we got the boys in their seats with their popcorn and slushies and we waited until the lights got dark, and you know you're always trying to be quiet and there I was, trying to be quiet, and unscrew the top and there's this


as the bottle top comes off, and then I don't know what happened but the bottle slipped out of my hand and it didn't just hit the floor and go clink it went


I mean that thing shattered.   This theatre was packed, man, and suddenly the whole place started to reek like SoCo, and these people a few rows ahead of us, they got up and they WALKED OUT.  

Then a minute later, an usher comes in and he goes to the people right in front of us, and he said, "Please, I'm going to need you to come with me."  So they get up and go with him, and then about a minute after that the trailers stop and the lights come on and like the manager and a few of the staff come back into the theatre and they start walking up aisle by aisle and when they finally get to the wife and kids and me, they don't even have to say anything, because there's all the glass right there at my feet.

So there we were, the whole family, getting kicked out of Captain America!

The wife and I, man, we laughed so hard all the way to the CAR!!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Overheard at Booth 4: It's NOT Complicated!

I keep hearing everyone today talking about how their relationships, they say "It's complicated" - they say that all the time.  So, how's your boyfriend?   It's complicated.    So, are you gonna ask this girl out or not?   It's complicated.

I just wanna say, no no NO!  It's NOT complicated!   It's very simple.    You either want to:

1) Be around that person, or
2) Have sex with that person, or
3) Both, or
4) Neither.

There are only FOUR options.   It's not complicated at ALL!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Overheard at Table Two: Abercrombie and Sao Paolo

"My teenage daughter got a job at Abercrombie and Fitch.  She went to work in these cutoff jeans that were so short you could've called them a belt!   She tells me that's their dress code, so I looked it up and she's right.  That IS their dress code.   Apparently working at Abercrombie and Fitch you have to look like a Brazilian girl on the beach at Sao Paolo."