Wednesday, February 29, 2012

At the Counter: Verble's pages on his iPad

News Breaks

February 29, 2012
07:26 EDT
Dimon will 'be damned' if JPMorgan doesn't see record profit soon, FT says
JPMorgan Chase's (JPM) CEO Jamie Dimon assured investors with certainty that last year’s revenue declines were temporary and not a seismic shift, stating, “We’re telling you it is cyclical. I’m not hedging that,” while speaking at the company's analyst day, according to Financial Times. He added, “I’ll be damned if we don’t have record profits for the next year or two,” as quoted by FT. Reference Link :theflyonthewall.

And here's my favourite:

from 2-29-12:

JPMorgan: Accounts with Under $100,000 Are Afterthoughts
Regulations blamed for increasing costs on banks
Feb 29, 2012, 11:29 am EST By InvestorPlace Staff

JPMorgan Chase & Co. (NYSE:JPM), now the largest U.S. bank by assets since it leapfrogged Bank of America (NYSE:BAC), is not exactly well-liked among the “little guy.” JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon has said that the wealthiest Americans need more tax breaks. Dimon has also said so-called Volcker rule to limit proprietary trading by big banks says “if you interpret it, you can’t even make markets for your clients.”
If small-time investors and consumer bankers need more fuel for their fire, here it is: JPM execs recently went on the record saying that most folks with less than $100,000 are actually a burden on the bank.

Specifically, JPMorgan Chase said that 70% of its customers with less than $100,000 in deposits and investments will be unprofitable following regulations that cap lenders’ fees.
“Lost revenue has to be replaced with higher share of wallet and customer penetration,” Todd Maclin, chief executive officer of consumer and business banking at JPM, said in a recent presentation. “You have to get your costs and where you spend your time, to the fullest extent possible, more in line with where the opportunity is.”
In short, if you’re a small-time banker… you really won’t end up mattering that much to JPMorgan Chase.
Is that just posturing by the bank as a way to push Congress and regulators to ease guidelines that are increasing costs? Maybe. After all, telling your customers they don’t matter is dangerous move that few businesses would make without some kind of ulterior motive.
But for those who think that banks and financial institutions don’t care a whit about customer service and are just out to stick it to the little guy… well, this soundbite may just be more proof.
, said about 70 percent of customers with less than $100,000 in deposits and investments will be unprofitable following regulations that cap lenders’ fees.

Verble says, "Any person who has an account with JPMorganChase Bank and who DOES NOT CLOSE THEIR ACCOUNT either has a machine doing their breathing for them, or else they esteem themselves lower than canine feces on the bottom of their shoe."

Monday, February 27, 2012

Overread at the Counter: Third Grade on the Playground, 1977

from 366.


with a swingline came rotten through the schoolyard,
part curls
and rough jeans, the yellow sunlight glazed her lineback shoulders,
each freckle
seemed to blaze the same ferocious crimson
as her fist
connected with my eye,

and then
there was the sun, fading suddenly with purple clouds
swelling, I thought idly maybe it was going to rain,
something like raindrops on my cheek, but rain drops are
not so
thick, not so with this metallic taste,

the laughter
was all around me, but distant, as distant as the
blacked out,
ribbon-holed sun, the laughter seemed almost
like a cushion against my own tears, and

with my
remaining eye, I saw her snatch up her lip gloss
underneath the swingset, where I’d knocked it out of her hands,
then she
gathered her girls and as a group, migrated to further sun.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Overheard at Table 3: Baby Names in England

A: Didn't you hear? Last year in England the most popular baby name was Mohammad!

B: So?

A: So? That just shows you that the Muslims are taking over the world - they've already got England.

B: Do you know what the most popular baby names are here in America?

A: Oh, Jesus don't tell me it's Mohammad!

B: No, it's Jacob for boys and Isabella for girls.

A: Just like in those Twilight vampire books?

B: Exactly. It just goes to show you - people name their babies after the people they worship.

Overread at Booth 4: 055

from 366


We forgot in one another, the
pain, what a
shame, ruling out
another heatsick day,

we wander for cover with our sweaters up
over our heads in the unforgiving rain, opening
car doors, slamming shut behind us as
we drop our car keys beside the seat

and looking out the windows at the
streaks of other rugburned
slide slowly down

and we say,
what you lose you someday
will regain.

Overread at Booth One: Letter to a Christian Nation, Note to the Reader

The first paragraph of the preface "Note to the Reader" from Sam Harris's book Letter to a Christian Nation reads:

Since the publication of my first book, The End of Faith, thousands of people have written to tell me that I am wrong not to believe in God. The most hostile of these communications come from Christians. This is ironic, as Christians generally imagine that no faith imparts the virtues of love and forgiveness more effectively than their own. The truth is that many who claim to transformed by Christ's love are deeply, even murderously, intolerant of criticism. While we may want to ascribe this to human nature, ti is clear that such hatred draws considerable support from the Bible. How do I know this? The most disturbed of my correspondents always cite chapter and verse.

I photocopied that from the book, because it is a very important paragraph, and in it contains all that we need to remind ourselves as Christians about how we need to evangelize. We can never call someone to Christ with hateful speech, ire, and especially not with murderous threats, or personal attacks, no matter how well-intentioned.

Look at how the people who attacked his book made Christ look. The God of Love, the God of Creation, who ripped into our time just so he could grow up and get murdered for us? And we make Him out to be the murderer! The One who was killed by lies, and we as Christians have made Him a liar.

Mr. Harris believes that Jesus Christ is a hate-monger who will send all of us to Hell (and send us there Himself) at the slightest provocation, if we dare question Him. And Mr Harris is right to believe that way, because as Christ lives in us, the only true example anybody will ever have of Him is how we present Him through our words, our actions, and our selves.

I keep this paragraph to remind me of how poorly we represent Him, and to use it as an injunction to do better. And in that way, I can say without irony that God has actually used Mr. Harris's anti-Christian message to prompt me to be a better Christian.

Now, how sweet is that?!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Overheard at Table 2: DSK again!

Did you hear that Dominic Strauss-Kahn is in the news AGAIN? Seems like he's being busted for engaging in a prostitution ring. He says he didn't know they were prosititutes.

Of course not! He's probably saying, "But I thot zey all LOVED me!"

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Overheard at Table 3: Beatles - New Wave

Found this great album yesterday, it came out in the 80's . . . man, I never knew that all these guys were on this tribute album . . .

Beatles - A New Wave
Track List

The Replacements - Come Together
The Smithereens - Dr. Robert
The Talking Heads - Nowhere Man
Run DMC - Taxman
The B-52's - Baby's in Black
The Police - Every Little Thing
The Bangles - Penny Lane
The Go-Go's - Back in the USSR
Duran Duran - Paperback Writer
Tina Turner - Lady Madonna
The Cure - And Your Bird Can Sing
Prince - We Can Work It Out
ZZ Top - I Am the Walrus
Tears for Fears - Hey Bulldog
Simple Minds - Fixing a Hole
Cyndi Lauper - In my Life
Eurythmics - Cry Baby Cry
Bruce Hornsby and the Range - You Never Give Me Your Money/The End

Friday, February 17, 2012

Violent Femmes 3

Nightmares - what a song. Loved that song.

Every other VF fan always goes for the first album, but that's a load of bollocks. 3 was the Femmes at their alt-punk-funky-folky best. "Fat"- pure brilliance!

Totally acoustic punk - these guys were the best, as in completely unique, funny, slightly mysterious and creepy, just a hauntingly fat acoustic guitar sound.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Overheard at Table 1: Mitt and the Dog

Billy: Heard that Mitt put his dog on top of his car.

Joe: Yeah, heard that.

Jim: But he said it was because he had five kids and the wife.

Bob: Getting all them babies birthed down from them birthing clouds, right?

Billy: Mormon cloud babies. That's an album by S and M, I think.

Joe: The women are mad about that dog.

Jim: And them animal rights folks, too.

Bob: Well, yeah, I mean, who wouldn't be? Strapping a dog in a carrier on the top of a car. I mean, the poor animal has seventy, eight miles an hour winds swapping it in the face for a thousand miles . . .

Billy: Well, Mitt did come out and say that it was a windproof container.

Joe: Windproof? Or airtight?

Jim: Which'd be even worse.

Bob: Well, you know . . . when all is said and done - he DID say it was tied down tightly.

Billy: That's just the guy in ya talkin', that is.

Joe: Yup, s'pose so.

Jim: Like you never done it or thought about it.

Bob: Wonder what he used for tie downs.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Overheard at Booth 4: Real Steel

Have you seen Real Steel?

Nope. Isn't that some sort of Rockem Sockem Robot movie?

I thought it was, but we rented it because the kid wanted to. Turned out to be freakin fantastic!

Rockem Sockem Robot fantastic?

But it's not robot punching, it's a redemption movie. It's all about this old boxer, and in the future boxing is done with giant robots, and this guy is a real loser, and he has never seen his kid, but the mom dies and he's got to spend time with the kid, and basically it's all about how the 'child is father to the man' and how he turns out to be a hero to the kid after all.

Sounds like it might be pretty cool.

What I thought was really the best part is that in this movie, you don't even really know it's in the future, until they start dropping hints as to the timeline, and a few things are futuristic - the robots of course, and the solar panels on top of the truck, and the wind turbines on the back roads, but the tech doesn't really overpower the movie - not like in something like AI or Minority Report, which was all so futuristic you KNOW you're in a sci-fi movie, no - this one just seems to be a movie that knows exactly what it wants to be: a movie about a dad making good on being a father to his kid. The robots, the sci-fi, all that is really secondary so the story of their relationship.

So it's really a love story.

Yeah, I guess you could say that it is.

But it does have some cool Robots smashing the crap outta other robots, right?

Oh yeah, definitely! That's the coolest part!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Overheard at Table 2: Super 8

Excellent movie! Think of ET on steroids. In fact, the coolest part about this movie is that it was set in about the same year that ET was filmed, so you can just imagine that this alien carnage is going on right at the same time that the cute little bugger is trying to 'phooooneee hooomee'!

Of course, it does kind of go along with the usual plot of 'humans bad to alien - bad bad government military pukes' but this has enough of a heart, with the jr high kids with their movie making and one kid always setting stuff on fire and another always puking whenever anything happens, so it also has that Goonies or Stand By Me feel.

So, basically, this is what happens when two rich movie making guys decide to toss off that movie they dreamed of making when they were kids. It's like Paul McCartney just recording some acoustic tunes in his back yard one afternoon - it kind of has that feel when you think about what monsters of cinema Abrams and Speilberg are: their knockoff is a hundred times slicker than what most independents can muster, which is kind of sad in a way, because you wish that there could be more movie making geniuses out there, but at least you know with Speilberg you're always gonna get yer coupla-bucks worth, definitely.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Overheard at Table 3: Inspirational Quotes

"inspirational quotes . . .

make me friggin' ill.

Hate 'em.

They just make me feel worse . . . look, how can I chase my dreams when I don't even know what my dreams are? How can I just go live and be the best me when I don't even know who I wanna be?

And what's all this 'just take on the day!' I don't want to 'take on the day' ! The 'day' takes me on every day and beats the snot out of me! The only thing I want to take is a nap!

Let's face it: if my dreams were so wonderful and if I were made to fly, then a gentle breeze from a beautiful sunset would have carried me out to that turqouise beach long before now . . . so, you can take all those pithy little phrases and roll them up into the world's biggest ball of hot air and set the darn thing on fire and watch it light up the night

- How's THAT for inspiration!"

Overheard at Booth 4: Father and Son

Look, son, I know it hurts really bad now, but don't worry, really - I mean, sure she broke your heart, but that type of girl, someday, she's gonna be pushing 40, and her husband is gonna leave her with the kids and the debts and leaky dishwasher.

Yeah, but you don't understand, Dad - I wanted to be that guy!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Overheard at Table 3: Dar Williams The Christians and the Pagans

I know it's already February but I'm still thinking of the perfect Christmas album mix, and I definitely want to include Dar Williams' "The Christians and the Pagans"

ARTIST: Dar Williams
TITLE: The Christians and the Pagans
Lyrics and Chords

Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay"
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three
He told his niece, "It's Christmas eve, I know our life is not your style"
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and it's been awhile"

/ G C Am D / / Em C Am D / / G C Am D / /

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses

/ G C Em D / / Em C Am D / Em C Am D G - /

The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a witch?"
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian"
"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
And where does magic come from, I think magic's in the learning
Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning

When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, don't bother"
Amber's uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father
He thought about his brother, how they hadn't spoken in a year
He thought he'd call him up and say, "It's Christmas and your daughter's here"
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve saying
"Can I be a Pagan?" Dad said, "We'll discuss it when they leave"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Overheard at Table Two: Mitt Romney Doesn't Care

- didja hear? Mitt's not overly concerned about the poor.

- gee. really?

- yeah. Says they've got a safety net if they need one.

- I'd heard that. So I went and asked this poor guy I know to see. Turns out he died of exposure last night under the 3rd Street Bridge.

- bad stroke of luck, that.

- you know it.