Friday, November 25, 2022

Overheard at Table 3: A Man and Wife and the Cliffs of Moher

 
A man and his wife take a vacation to Ireland.  They go to the Cliffs of Moher, magnificent and austere cliffs that stretch for miles and gaze out into the broad, wild waters of the North Atlantic.  Standing on the very edge, they peer straight down – a sheer drop of 3,000 feet.

The man stretches his arm at the view and says, “Ireland, babe!  Did you ever think we’d make it?”

“It’s absolutely beautiful!” he wife replies.

“And hey, you know how you’ve been wanting to redo the kitchen?   Well … you’re looking at it!  Surprise!”

The next day, the Irish Times reports that another body had been found at the bottom of the Cliffs of Moher – another apparent suicide.

The wife reads the article, smiles to herself, folds the paper and places it carefully into her bag, and then pulls out her ticket to board the plane back to the States.

Monday, November 21, 2022

Overheard at the Counter: Jet Blue (Two Demos)

 Jet Blue

An hour late board and I’m never getting home
Jet Blue
It’s not for you
Jet Blue
It’s not for me or you.

This station’s utter chaos
There’s no plane at the gate
When it comes they’ll have to clean
They always make us wait
Jet Blue
It’s not for you
Jet Blue
It’s not for me or you.

Some guy in the corner
He don’t know what to do
The airline sent his luggage
All the way to Katmandu
Jet Blue
It’s not for you
Jet Blue
It’s not for me or you.

They said that we’d be boarding two hours ago
Jet Blue
It’s not for you
Jet Blue
It’s not for me or you.

Another hour gone I’m never getting home
Jet Blue
It’s not for you
Jet Blue
It’s not for me or you.




Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Overheard at Table 3: Lucky and Otis - Pirates or Ninjas?

Otis Redwing: Pirates or Ninjas?

Lucky Moran: For what?

Otis: Just saw it online, someone asking which one is cooler: Pirates or Ninjas.

Lucky: Pirates of course!

Otis: Why "of course"?

Lucky: 'Cuz no one ever sang sea shanties about ninjas!

Otis:  Sure they did ... you just couldn't hear 'em!

Lucky: Ohhhhh good one!


Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Overheard at the Counter: American Pie (November 8, 2022)

AMERICAN PIE (NOVEMBER 8, 2022)

A long long time ago, I can still remember
How Democracy used to make me smile
And I knew that every few years
I could vote for or against my peers 
And they would be in office only for awhile 

But this November has made me shiver
With every post on IG and Twitter
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about this Fascist Pride
But something touched me deep inside
The day Democracy died

So bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Lexus to the Nexus
But the Nexus was dry
Some good old boys were eatin’ burgers and fries
Singing, "This'll be the day that it dies
This will be the day that it dies”

Does your front yard sign say LOVE IS LOVE
Or do you proclaim faith in God above?
If the Bible tells you so
Do you carry a gun with your Cross?
Do  you think Springsteen’s still the Boss
Or just another Libtard so and so?

Well I know that we’re all in love with sin
We just disagree on which we like to enter in
We both put up our fists
Wishing the Other didn’t exist

Well as a centrist, I was stuck
With a rainbow sticker on my pickup truck
But I knew that we were completely fucked
The day Democracy died

CORO

Well for eight years we had Barack O
Which made all the Republicans say Oh hell NO!
And that helped them gain unity
The Electoral College installed the Orange Clown
Our institutions started crumbling down
And walls went up between you and me

Now the Lizard look down at the border
And took away babies from their mothers  
Which the Clown thought was fun
He said, “Lookit those babies run!”

And while the clown sent love notes to Lil Kim
Impeachement shadows lurked over him
Pastors prayed for the Seraphim
To usher the day Democracy died

CORO

Then a little bug from Wuhan flew
across the world, killed a million or two
Everyone around the globe was falling fast
The Clown didn’t know what to do
“Wear a mask?  Well it’s up to you!
Drink some bleach and shine a light up your ass!”

Now 2020 ended with perfect sight
We thought we’d stopped the wrong of the Right
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance

'Cause the losers tried to take the field
Because the Clown refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day Democracy died?

So bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Watched my Lexus change its sexes
But its sexes was bi
Some good old boys were eatin’ burgers and fries
Singing, "This'll be the day that it dies
This will be the day that it dies”

Now out in Arizona there's a crazy Lake
Who says she won’t concede the race
And vows that the Clown will run again
And in Georgia a Walker’s gonna go far,
This mentally bifurcated football star
Gonna give the Reds a touchdown in the end

Now the Wizard sold magic weight loss pills
Now the’s the cure for Conservative Ills
Even though he was late
In moving to the state

And as the votes were contested into the night
And we all were blinded by the Right
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day Democracy died

CORO

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
She said her pronouns were them and they
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
Store was closed, cuz everything’s in the cloud, anywayyyyy

And in the schools, the children scream
As the bullets fly and the rifles gleam.
So many words are spoken
The church bells are just tokens

And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They said, “Good luck, fools, ‘cuz your country’s toast”
The day Democracy died

CORO


Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Overheard at Table 3: Poem of the Day "Thoughts on When We Shuffle Off This Mortal Coil"

Thoughts on When We Shuffle Off this Mortal Coil


broken bottle
empty pockets
fingers around the last throw of the dice
time to check out of the casino
neon lights sputtering in a few spots
we all get up as one
and lumber sluggish toward the door.




MR
2022-1101




Monday, October 24, 2022

Overheard at Table 1: The Marriage

Heard on the radio today that 70% of all the food made by the big manufacturers - Heinz, Kraft - are unhealthy.

That's what I've been telling you for years but you never listen, this is what my sister has been telling me, that all the food companies are married to Big Pharma.  They make food, we get sick, Big Pharma gets rich off of medicine.  You should stop buying that cheese you always buy, because it has calcium, you need to train your taste buds to eat more crema and non-cheese products, it's like that water that you always buy, that bottled water, it has calcium in it.  Why does it have to have calcium?  Calcium rots the bones, that's why all the old people can't move and are so stiff, because they have too much calcium.  I see these doctors from Spain, they say to stop taking calcium, because it's just hardening all our organs from the inside.

I was just thinking maybe we should buy more fresh vegetables.


Friday, October 21, 2022

Overheard at Table 3: Email from a Castle in the Scottish Highlands

Hey, sis!

Me again ... still nothing, but I'm just going to keep emailing you, hoping that you'll get these and reply.  Got no one else to write to any more.  No one that I'd want to anyway.  Mom and Dad are gone.  Grandad's - well, he's Grandad.  Don't know if you're still not talking to Aunt Maeve and Uncle John, and our cousins, yeah, you remember all that went on.

Shit, when I actually write it down, it does kinda seem like I'm the odd one out.  Hell, haven't even spoken to YOU in fifteen years, so maybe you are just ignoring me.  I can totally understand that.  Well, if you're getting these, even if you don't respond, at least you'll know what's going on with me and maybe that'll help.  At least, I think it helps me to write these emails to you.

For example: this castle.  OK, I've been here a month now, and I swear, this castle actually plays tricks on me.  I think I know where everything this is, and then I find myself in different rooms that I don't expect to find myself in.  It's like I will walk through a door that I know should open into the Library and then suddenly find myself in a bedroom, or go toward the kitchen and wind up in the Library.  Doesn't happen ALL the time, maybe once every other day, but enough to be noticeable.  It almost feels like the castle is having a bit of fun at my expense.  

One embarrassing moment was when I was wanting to go into the study and somehow found myself in the downstairs bathroom, and there's Essex, sitting on the toilet, in full gear (by gear, I mean, he walks around in leather straps, bottomless chaps, studded collar, the full outfit.  Don't know if I've told you that) and so you can imagine what it looks like when he looks up from his copy of "SPANK HARD" magazine and shouts, "ARE YOU HERE FOR YOUR GOLDEN SHOWER?  I STILL HAVE ENOUGH TO SHOWER YOU WITH SUCH DROPLETS OF SUNSHINE THAT YOU WILL FEEL WARMTH AND LOVE!" and I'm like, "Uh, no sorry, dude, wrong room" and I shut that door SO FAST and got the hell out of there.  I still don't know if he's joking or not ... but I'm scared to find out!  

And I haven't told you much about Vasiliya, the maid.  There was one time I was wanting to get something out of the pantry, and for some reason found myself in the Library, which has these beautiful bay windows, and there was Vasiliya, and I don't know how to describe it, but it looked like she was STRETCHED all the way to the top of the window, with a duster, dusting the corners.  As though her torso was stretched ... like the guy from the Fantastic Four or Plastic Man.  And then, it was like she heard me walk in and suddenly, she was normal height again.  In a snap!  Split-second.  Happened so fast that I'm not sure I even saw it right, as though it was maybe a trick of the light.   




And today, when I actually was intending to go to the Library, I wound up in the study, and there was Lara, the Baroness, on the floor against with some riding boots and fishnet stockings, and then the Baron was sitting on a chair, and he was holding a pair of six-inch stilettoes, dangling off one finger, as though he was enticing her with them, but she just seemed to want to lie on the floor looking at her boots, and he was wanting her to put on the shoes.   And they were both bathed in light from the open window and it was a - a quiet scene, I guess you would say.  To me, they seemed to be moving slowly, if at all, and the shadows made it look like a Caravaggio painting.

Then they both looked at me and smiled in a strange way, as though I had walked in on something intimate that they wanted me to be a part of.  As though they, and the castle, had brought me into this room, at this moment, and at the other rooms at THOSE moments, to ... I don't know ... to SHOW me this.  All this.   As thought the Castle is slowly TRUSTING me more, or maybe ... testing me to see how much I can absorb.

Sis, I suppose I am writing all this to you because you are the only person I know who would really understand this.  You have always been really up on this kind of stuff.  You should probably be here instead of me.  You'd know how to process all this.

Well, so this is me again, sending out this plea that if you get this and have any sort of advice for your little brother about all this, please shoot me those nuggets of wisdom!  Until then, I'll keep writing, because at the very least, it helps me get everything organized in my head.

Until next time,

Philippe