Overheard at the Counter: The State of Modern Literature

I don't like books any more. Can't stand them. They are eating themselves. They always try to catch my attention by telling me that they are "unique". This is a lie. Books Re not unique. Every story is the same story and it is the story that has been told since we first learned how to diatinguish a grunt from a growl and call it words. The honor in a book is how it tells and retells this same story, it is the tilt that makes it special, but by God don't try to convince me that it is unique, because it is not. And stop telling me that it is powerful, that it packs a punch,that it will leave me breathless. If I want to see something powerful I will walk into a waterfall. If I want to be packed by a punch I will get myself into a barfight. If I want to be left breathless I will make love to a beautiful woman who walked with me into the waterfall and pulled me out of the bar. Don't tell me that they are timely. Watches are timely, books mark off decades, and centuries. And stop saying thatthey are inspirational. Nothing inspires me but a sunset or the success of others. And atop telling me that it is an outstanding achievement. Birthing a baby is an outstanding achievement. Not punching your boss in the face when she screams ar you for not kissing her royal butt every day, that's an achievement. A book is aimply several million words steung in a line. I love words, totally love them. But books, books I can no longer stand, because the only steing of worss worth reading in books these days are the ones on the back cover that tell me how magnificent this book is.