Thursday, February 2, 2023

Overheard at Table 3: Probing the Proctologist


INTERNAL.  NIGHT.  Man in bed, asleep.

Suddenly, light floods the room.  Man awakes, puts his arm over his eyes, just as he begins to levitate off the bed.

CUT. EXTRERIOR.  House.  Column of light rises from the house to a flying saucer in the sky.  Man rises slowly up the column of light.

CUT. INTERIOR. SPACE SHIP.  Man is brought in, turned over, strapped down to a table.

A probe extends from the ceiling.  Shadowy forms of aliens gather around the man on the table.

ALIEN: Human, you have been selected for experimentation.  You will now be probed.  Do not try to resist.

MAN: Yes.  Just relax and it won't be so uncomfortable.

ALIEN: Yes.  How do you know this?

MAN: I'm a proctologist.

ALIEN: Ah!  So you are aware of the process.

MAN: I'm aware of the irony, yes.

ALIEN: Technically, it is more of an interesting coincidence, not "irony."

MAN: Looks like I've learned something tonight.

ALIEN: We all have learned something.  It is a win/win.  Now, hold still.


Man's voice: Whoooo boy!  That's COLD!

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