Overheard at Booth 3: One Day at the Pawn Shop

I remember it was back in '92 or '93, this guy walks in a buys a Smith & Wesson .38 and two bullets.
Which was a bit weird, and he was kinda looking a little shady, but what the hell, you know.

Then when he leaves, about five minutes later, we hear this BANG! behind the shop, so we run out there and the guy's shot himself, right in the head, blood everywhere, and it wasn't like the movies at all where a guy kills himself and he's just slumped, no, this guy was still moving, like his arms were moving like he was grasping for something, like they were trying to separate themselves from his body and get out of there.  I'll never forget how his hand grabbed a handful of rocks and dirt and just held them real tight until finally letting go.

Never could understand why he bought TWO bullets though.

Maybe in case he missed with the first?  I dunno.

Overheard at the Counter: Bullet-Riddled Obama Shirt

OK so what can we tell from this picture, we got
seven white guys

- yeah, white. and slightly overweight, judging from the pot bellies, they eat at mcdonalds and burger king from the looks of it, especially having those guts and still being in their twenties.

- I'd say they're probably southern, probably anti-immigrant more than they're professed anti-black.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/46159633/ns/us_news-security/




- are you sure you're not just stereotyping? Not all southerners are racist.

- nah, but I'm saying these guys are. But since this pic was probably just taken, because I doubt that someone would just sit on it for so long, then you know it was January, and they're all weaing t-shirts and jeans, except for one guy whose wearing a jacket, means it was probably crisp but not overly cold, so you know it can't be the Northeast or Northwest, or anywhere in the mountains, probably. My guess would be these guys are from Oklahoma, if not from Texas. But that's just a guess.

- you can tell they're working class from their boots and their guns. even rich people who like to go shooting, always wear clean boots and have better quality weapons.

- so these guys buy from pawn shops.

- drink beer.

- love their little baby daughters.

- think they're some sort of ancient heroic defenders.

- like to pretend they're protecting freedom.

- drive trucks with huge wheels, encrusted with mud.

- probably work at glass cutting plants, or machine shops.

- they vote against their own economic self-interests.

- basically, they're like almost every american male under 40 whose highest level of education is high school.

- classist!

- nope. I'm a truthist.

- well, I think we should be able to locate them by triangulation - the emblem on the jacket of the guy on the far left looks like some jaguar, or tiger. The guy next to him, all I can read is "Centennial" which might be some local college or high school, and I can't make out the one next to him, but I can almost guarantee you that if we could read the shirts it would give a clue as to who these guys are.

- whatever we come up, we know one obvious fact: these guys think it's OK to blow wholes through the face of a sitting president, which is dangerous for the safety and the security of this Union, and these guys are using violence to show some sort of saber-rattling, trying to intimidate by threat of violence . . . and you know what that means: these guys are

- terrorists!

Overheard at Table 3: conspiracy, or just good planning?

And Phil was saying, "maybe it's a little of both and he was saying that he heard on the radio the other day, Pacifica radio, yesterday, that there was some guys who used to be the head of some union who was saying that this latest government fiasco where the Repiblicans are blocking the appointment of a third person to the National Labor Relations Board is a plot, or at least a crafty distraction, because, you see, theNLRB has to have a quorum of three in order to exist, if not a third person, which at the moment the are only two, then it cannot actually function, and then there is no method by which Labor Unions can redress grievances with the government, so what that means is that after january first, since there won't be a third member, there will be no protection for labor."

And Gerry asked, "so why can't the president just nominate some guy during the recess. Thos erecess appointments are the way to get around that crap."

And Phil said, "that's what's so freaking crafty about the whole deal. The senate had an appropriations bill that would extend unemployment benefits another onto. The repubs in the house won't allow it to come to a vote. They have made some maneuver to deny going into recess until they've hammmered out a different agreement. SO - what that apparently means is that they have effectively closed off every method by which the NLRB can get an appointee and thus, save what little protection the american worker had against Big Business."

And Gerry said, "dang, sounds like the Republicans have done their homework. Those're some crafty ashbowls, I'll tellya."

And Phil said, "you know, all my life I swore to myself that I'd never become one of those conspiracy theorists, but good god every time I read the paper or hear the news it's just like another little factoid that adds up to pointing toward the fact that these conservatives are caressing our faces with one hand while driving knives into our backs with the other."

And Gerry said, "well, always remember what John says . . ."

"The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working."

Overheard at the Counter: Thankgiving

Steppenwolf: Listen, Thankgiving as we know it is a complete fantasy.

Niall Carter: No way, man. There is a long and rich history behind it.

Steppenwolf: Complete fabrication! Every word.

Niall Carter: How do you know? Were you there?

Steppenwolf: Oh that's nice. Stoop to logical fallacies when you can't prove your point.

Niall Carter: The complete lack of evidence to support a position does NOT preclude the opposite position.

Steppenwolf: Exactly. Which is why you can not say for certain that there is a long and rich history, when there isn't.

Niall Carter: And neither can YOU assume that every extant contemporary text was fabricated only recently in order to establish a fabricated position of a historical origination to support a current cultural tradition.

Lucky Moran: When you two stop this lover's quarrel, will you tell me exactly what it is that you're fighting about? Thankgiving itself? Or the white/Indians thing? What?

The Barista: Cranberries.

Lucky: What?

Niall Carter: Steppenwolf here swears that there were no cranberries at the first Thankgiving.

Steppenwolf: And Niall here foolishly believes that there were.

Niall: There were. It's in John Smith's diary.

Steppenwolf: John Smith didn't even celebrate Thanksgiving. He preceded the first recorded instance by at least 60 years!

Niall: Let me just find . . .

Lucky (to the Barista): They do this all the time?

The Barista: Every year. Same argument, I hear. Verble says it only stops when he finally plays Alice's Restaurant on a loop.

Overheard at the Counter: NPR - Intelligence diminished

Verble is standing at the counter, talking to Tom Canada (pronounced ca-NAH-duh), the manager of the next door pawn shop, called SHR.

"You were right, Tom," says Verble, "NPR has lost it. Completely lost it."

"I've known that for years," says Tom, "Ever since that one day back in '96 when the reporter said 'I have no words to describe it' - completely ignoring the fact that THAT'S HIS JOB - to have words for things!"

"Well, I'm finally on board - check this out - their lackluster, lackadaisical, and absolutely LACKING IN SUBSTANCE response to my tirade against the completely obnoxious panelists on Intelligence Squared last Sunday night. Their response just shows the total tepid attitude that they have toward their work, and their audience."




Response to Message #336346:
Dear Verble,
Thank you for contacting NPR.

We appreciate you sharing your concerns with us. We strive to offer the highest quality of news and information available. Listener feedback helps us to accomplish this goal.

We welcome both criticism and praise, and your thoughts will be taken into consideration.

Thank you for listening, and for your continued support of public broadcasting. For the latest news and information, visit NPR.org.


Sincerely,
NPR Services
www.npr.org
_________________________________________________

Original Message: I have been an NPR listener for 35 years and this is the first time that I have written to you; however, I feel something must be said regarding last night's Intelligence Squared show. This is the first time that I have heard the program, so please forgive my ignorance of the format, and if this is not the normal level of intellectual debate, but what I heard was farcical. The subject of illegal immigration was approached by all the panelists with nothing more than the same tired topical agendas with the usual emotional hot-button emotional appeals, i.e. "for the American people" "make us stronger" "the American dream" - please! Your listeners can hear the same drivel daily on Fox News. NPR should be held to a higher standard.

One point worth noting is that when the subject of indefinite detention was broached, the topic was controlled by the pro-detentioners who banged home the point that if the US did NOT hold these detainees, they would escape and continue to "commit crimes and steal jobs" (see the "hot-button"?) Notwithstanding that NPR, last year, BROKE the story that the harshest immigration law (in Arizona) was written in large part by the largest private-prison firm in the US. The logical conclusion reached is that the private prison industry guides our immigration policy for no other reason than to make money, not for ideals, not for dreams, not for security, only for money. To present a show that does not contain panelists astute or knowledgeable or ethical enough to engage in deepers issues such as this demeans the entire purpose of National Public Radio, which frankly is the only source in American media that strives to a higher standard.

Not to belabor the point, I certainly hope that was a throw away episode of this series, and not indicate of a general decline in NPR quality.

Thank you for reading this.

To reply to this e-mail, please click on the link below. Thank you.

http://help.npr.org/npr/consumer/clarify.asp?incidentID=%7B9438fcfe-abf2-45ce-a341-62e9879c67d2%7D

"So," says Verble, "Whaddaya think?"

"Maybe," Tom says, "their audience is no longer people who actually think, but perhaps are now the faceless masses who want to be led."

"You mean, Fox News viewers?"

"That, or they just know if they don't go to the side of the Conservative Right, their funding will be cut and they won't have ANY radio to produce."

Overheard at the Counter: Why even the homeless would vote Republican

Lucky Moran, sitting at the counter with Niall Carter and John Steppenwolf, says, "When I think about times like these, with the debt ceiling about to come crashing down on us and all, I'm reminded of something I learned all those years I spent working next door at Second Hand Rose . . .

"I'll never forget, this guy came in, typical indigent, smelling bad, clothes rotting right off his body, bandage wrapped around his arm where he'd just donated plasma, and you could see every missing and rotted tooth in his mouth, because he was ranting about something (and this was the 90's, so it was probably about Lewinsky), but he said, 'I will NEVER vote Democrat! I will ALWAYS vote Republican, because the day I make my millions, the Republicans won't take it away from me!'

"And it was so sad, to see that. And me, still being a young man at the time, and a little mouthy, just shot back at him, 'Dipwad! They already HAVE!'"

Free Coffee

Everybody who comes in tonight with an I VOTED sticker gets a free coffee. The Zen and Tao Acoustic Cafe supports the voting process and the support of democracy. We believe that you not only get the government that you vote for, but you suffer the government you allow to happen when you do not exercise your rights.

So, in the words of John Canada from next door at SHR, who quotes some wise old soul from the anals of American history . . .

VOTE EARLY. VOTE OFTEN.

But whatever you do, just get out and VOTE!

Overheard at the Counter: Puns for the Literarti

Kid walks up to the counter and says, "I've got 26 puns in my head," and Verble says, "it this some sort of a joke?"

and the kid says, "No, I was just next door at SHR, listening to John Canada and Eric Johannson and these are all the ones I could remember! They call them . . .



Subject: puns for the educated mind...

1.The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned outto be an optical Aleutian .

3.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4.A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because itwas a weapon of math disruption.

5.No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in LinoleumBlownapart.

8.Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are lookinginto it.

10.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said tothe other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small mediumat large.

16.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now aseasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's yourcount that votes.

19.When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21.A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. Thestewardess looks at him and
says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrionallowed per passenger.'

22.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says'Dam!'

23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in thecraft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't haveyour kayak and heat it too.

24.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The othersays 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope thatat least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.