Monday, August 28, 2023

Overheard at Table 2: Alpha Males on my Instagram

My wife keeps sending me videos on IG of Tristan Tate talking about looking good in suits, along with some other guy talking about how getting into shape make people think you are wearing an expensive suit when you might just be in a white button-down short.  These guys are all so roided-out and beefed up and strutting around beaches with women looking on in dripping admiration ... it's actually kinda weird.

- I think she might be telling you to hit the gym.

Yeah, that and she's suddenly on this "Alpha Male" kick.  She wants me to be an "Alpha Male"

- That's what the Tate brothers are selling.

Exactly, so I told her, "These guys have been arrested in Romania for sex trafficking.  What they are selling is Toxic Masculinity Bullshit.  You want me to be an Alpha Male?  OK, fine.  Don't ever send me shit from those fucking shitbags ever again!  How's THAT for 'Alpha Male'?

Saturday, August 19, 2023

Overheard at Booth 1: Maui Fight

Wife had been watching a short TikTok Video about the Maui fires and a person was saying that a bunch of investors were swooping in to try to buy land.  the natives do not want to sell their ancestral land to investors who want to build resorts on this prime property.

My wife showed me the video and said, "They're saying that these investors used a laser beam to start the fire."

This particular TikTok video did not make that assumption.  The man in the video was ONLY talking about the vultures trying to swoop in and take advantage of a tragedy before the people could even mourn their loss.

I agreed with my wife that it was definitely a possibility that the fire may have intentionally been set.  I said, "Developers have set fires intentionally before, it's possible they did this time too."  Then I added, "Even if it wasn't intentional..."

"See!  That's why we fight!  In your little brain, you want to say 'even IF!' ... you NEVER believe me.  There is no 'even if' !  It WAS intentional.  Developers set the fire, but you never take my side and you never believe me and you always make fun of me and this is why we can't talk about anything any more, and I don't want to fight because we're supposed to be going out on a date today, but you always seem to want to just dismiss everything I say and we can't agree on anything, we can't even agree on where to go to church, and you're supposed to be the head of this family and you can't even do that!  Now, leave me alone because I want to use the bathroom and I don't want to say anything that I really shouldn't!"



Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Overheard at Table 3: On Jordan Peterson ... <= ew!


Damn that Jordan Peterson!  He's an arrogant prick, but he's the arrogant prick that I wanted to be if I wanted to be an arrogant prick.

Oh honey, you already ARE an arrogant prick.  Just not a famous one.


Monday, August 14, 2023

Overheard at Table 1: Holidays

Columbus day is coming up in October and that pisses people off because they want to call it Indigenous People's Day and some people have a similar problem with Thanksgiving because white people in the past did bad stuff to Native Americans ...

and Christians are hating on Halloween because it's Satanic and the non-believers hate Christ in Christmas and they say stupid shit like "God raped Mary" and then people are mad at Mother's Day because they had shitty mothers and the same thing for Father's day because they had abusive or molesting dads ...

and people who want to be single or who don't have a romantic partner absolutely DESPISE Valentine's Day and Republicans sure as hell hate Labor Day and peaceniks don't like Veterans Day and people who say the American empire trampled over the rights of Central Americans really hate Memorial Day

and that's the same reason why people are all like OH WELL INDEPENDENCE DAY sucks because that's Americans enshrining the SLAVE TRADE ...

you know what?  Let's just cancel ALL HOLIDAYS!

All of them.  GONE!


No more holidays, for no one.  Ever.

You're welcome.  A few fewer things for some segment or other to bitch about.

Buncha whiners!

Saturday, August 5, 2023

Overheard at Table 3: Watching "Under the Queen's Umbrella"

Watching "Under the Queen's Umbrella"

Me: So, who are all those kids taking the test.

Wife: Four are the queen's sons, all the rest are from the King's concubines.

Me: Wow.  It's good to be king!

Wife: DUDE!  You can't even please ONE!

Me: *sad face*




Friday, August 4, 2023

Overheard at Table 2: Car Keys and a Boatload of Cash

It has become quite evident that God has not, indeed, blessed America, but rather,

God has given America the keys to the Charger, along with a fistful of hundred dollar bills,

knowing full well that America will get blasted on cocaine and beer, and rage that car to the end of the highway, off a cliff into the ocean, taking out as many pedestrians as it can along the way.