Monday, October 18, 2010

Overheard at the Counter: Puns for the Literarti

Kid walks up to the counter and says, "I've got 26 puns in my head," and Verble says, "it this some sort of a joke?"

and the kid says, "No, I was just next door at SHR, listening to John Canada and Eric Johannson and these are all the ones I could remember! They call them . . .

Subject: puns for the educated mind...

1.The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned outto be an optical Aleutian .

3.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4.A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because itwas a weapon of math disruption.

5.No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in LinoleumBlownapart.

8.Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are lookinginto it.

10.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said tothe other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small mediumat large.

16.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now aseasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's yourcount that votes.

19.When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21.A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. Thestewardess looks at him and
says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrionallowed per passenger.'

22.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says'Dam!'

23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in thecraft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't haveyour kayak and heat it too.

24.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The othersays 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope thatat least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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