Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Overheard at Table 3

I think I'm becoming a radical.

Why's that?

My kid came home last night, they've got him memorizing the first lines of the Declaration of the Independence.

That's good.

Yeah! That part's great. We should all know about our ideals - but get this: he's firmly convinced that it's the Preamble to the Constitution, and that the freedoms listed are in the Bill of Rights.

Do you think he's confused?

Well, he's 12, so I think he should know better, I mean, if they were teaching him better. It's the muddled up that gets me . . . that, and the other thing.

What other thing?

Well, it's what came out of my mouth when he started reciting it.

Which was?

Well, it's best if I show you. Recite the Declaration.

OK. "When in the course of human events . . . "

No no no. Sorry. Start with the second paragraph.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal . . .

- they just become unequal when they don't work hard enough.

". . . and are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights . . ."

- unless the giant corporations want to take away those rights, or keep them for themselves.

". . . that among these are Life . . ."

- unless you are a doctor who performs abortions or a medically ill inmate on Death Row in Texas.

". . . Liberty . . ."

- unless you are labeled an enemy combatant born anywhere in the world, since we've declared the Earth a battlefield.

" . . . and the Pursuit of Happiness."

- unless you are gay, lesbo, bi, transgender, progressive, liberal, feminist, pacifist, Democrat, evolutionist, scientist, intellectual, union worker, drive a Japanese car, or are any religion other than Protestant Christian.

Wow. I'm amazed you're not being followed right now.

I think I am. See those guys in the suits at the counter?

Them? I thought they were going to a costume party dressed as the Blues Brothers.

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