Sunday, September 26, 2010

Verble Gherulous Speaks

reading the latest survey about what is going to happen in a short month, Verble suddenly begins,

"You know, that's what the problem is with you Yanks, you can't keep a coherent thought in your collective brain for five minutes, and you don't see that the problem is your political parties - I mean really, the whole country wants to vote back into the power the same party that flooked the entire country for the past eight years. It's not enough that they bent you over a barrell and had their lewd and lascivious way with your backside, now you want to go belly up and have them give you another good ol' ROGERING for the Gipper!

"I mean, seriously! Look at it - cutting taxes for the rich dropped the income, which equals no money for the coffers for things like, oh, I dunno, TWO WARS - which you couldn't afford, but you didn't notice because your conservative-led Fed Reserve brought rates down so low that everyone started buying homes that they couldn't afford and then the megabanks realized they could make big fat wads of cash to throw on top of the pile of big fat wads of cash they already had and eventually you had this giant unsustainable bubble which burst little cream all over this supposedly great country,

"because the conservative-led government had told ALL the cops to take the decade off! The cops who were supposed to police these banks and these Wall Street fat cats to make sure they didn't take off with the entire American Pie! Who was guarding the vault? NOBODY! So the head of the banks just took off with all the cash they were supposed to guard.

"And when it all came crashing down, did the businesses - who had record profits from all those tax breaks - did THEY invest their money so they could help their people out in the lean times? NO! They told 'em all 'don't let the door hitcha in the applesauce on the way out!'

"So - let's take it all down and make it simple for you Yanks, OK? You let your government be ruled by conservatives, and they let business have its way and it screw you. For a bright shining moment you woke up and said 'We just got totally buggered! Enough of this!'

"But now, since you can't fix in two years what took eight to demolish, you're so impatient that you're going to vote back in the same people who got you in this mess in the first place!

"And what's really pathetic is they're not even trying to say they've changed! They're not even saying they're going to do anything new - or better! They're spoon-feeding you the same babybarf that you swallowed whole for this entire nacent century! They're telling you again that if you let business have all your money, then everything will be hunky dory!

"Well, it's NOT, my sweet angelic stupid-as-doornails Yank friends, because you - are - stupid!"

And everyone at the cafe, listening to this, was silent for a second, and then went back to their own conversations.

Overheard at the counter: Steppenwolf tells Plantagenet "Don't worry about him, he always pulls out the 'Yank' rant whenever he sees America doing something completely illogical."

Plantagenet replies, "So, pretty much every day, then?"

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