Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Overheard at Booth Three: Grooming Your Husband

Wife: You do this all the time.

Husband: Do what all the time?

Wife: The same look.  Every time I tell you about something you need to do to better your health you look at me like I'm some screaming bitch.

Husband:  Bitch?  No.  Never.   ... you CAN get a bit screamy though.

Wife: I just think you need to take care of yourself better.  Using cleanser on your face will help take care of some of those wrinkles you're starting to get.

Husband: I thought you said you wanted me to look distinguished.

Wife: Distinguished, yes.  Old, no.  But every time I tell you to clean them, you give me that look.  That look like you can't stand hearing about it.

Husband: Maybe it's your timing.  You spring this stuff on me either a) in the morning, when we're rushing to get ready for work, or b) right before bed, when we're both flat-out exhausted.

Wife: Well, then do it right when you get home from work then.  Cleanse your face.

Husband: Listen, that's just one more thing to put into my daily routine.  One more thing.  I've already got a million things I have to do every day.  Why do I gotta do this one more thing?

Wife: Do you wipe your ass every time you take a dump?

Husband: I would hope you know the answer to that.

Wife: Do you think that wiping your ass is just "one more thing"?

Husband: No.

Wife: Then think of putting cleanser on your face when you get home every day as wiping the entire day's shit - the shit of dust and grease and pollution and sweat - off your face.   There.   Now it's not just "one more thing"

Husband: Damn you sure have a way of putting things into perspective.

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