Overheard at Table 3: An American Runs Up to Jesus

Jesus was getting ready to head out of town, and an American runs up to Him, kneels down right in front of Him, and asks Him, "Hey You Awesome Dude, what I can I do to get into Heaven?"

And Jesus says to the American, "Why you callin' Me 'Awesome'?  There is no one awesome but God.  Regardless, you know how to get to Heaven.  Ten Commandments, amirite? 'Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, don't commit fraud, honor your mother and father.'"

And then the guys says to Jesus, "I got all that down.  I've done that all my life."

Jesus looks at the guy, REALLY looks through him.  And Jesus felt so much love for this American, and He says, "There's only one thing keeping you from Heaven.  Go sell all your stuff, give away everything to the poor.  Then you will have a place in Heaven.  Then, come and follow Me."

The American looked like Jesus had just punched him in the stomach.  He didn't say another word, he just turned and walked away ... because he had a house, nice car, tv, a 401k, a good job, good income, so much stuff that he couldn't even park his cars in the garage.

Mark 10:17-27

Paraphrased by Verble Gherulous

Mark 10:17-27

New American Standard Bible

The Rich Young Ruler

17 As He was setting out on a journey, a man ran up to Him and knelt before Him, and asked Him, “Good Teacher, what shall I do so that I may inherit eternal life?” 18 But Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not give false testimony, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” 20 And he said to Him, “Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth.” 21 Looking at him, Jesus showed love to him and said to him, “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” 22 But he [a]was deeply dismayed by [b]these words, and he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.

Overheard at Booth 3: Wicktims (76-80)

WICKTIMS

... continuing the most incredible collection of death hits by the monstrous killing machine that is John Wick...

76. Kerry Moss.  He likes the way his Guatemalan girlfriend says is name like “queremos,” which can either mean “we want ________”  or “we love _________,” depending on context.

77. Scott Schultz.  Was secretly taking dancing lessons in order to improve his coordination.

78. Steven Villa.   Has a crush on Ross Kendrick (No. 44).  Never had a chance to tell him.

79. Gianluca Bonello.   Had a crush on a girl, then she married him.  Now, the crush is over.  All he feels now … is crushed.

80. Jake Maresca.    Honest to God, if his wife wouldn’t piss him off, he wouldn’t have to hit her like he does.

Overheard at Table 5: Wicktims (71-75)

WICKTIMS

71. Michael Jugenthal.   His old man left when he was four.  Doesn’t even remember the old bastard.  Doesn’t really want to anyway.

72. Neil Chambers.   Joined the Navy just after high school. Best years of his life.  

73. Paul Wright.   Loves getting high on the weekends and listening to Pink Floyd, King Crimson, and Rush.

74. Houston Shell.   Loves going out to the gun range.  That’s really the only place he likes to be.  When he’s in the lane, practicing his groupings, he feels completely alone.  Solitary.  Independent.  

75. Victor Kidwiler.   Has an extensive collection of baseball cards, including many left to him by his father and grandfather.  One estimator valued his collection at a total value of $3.5 million.

Overheard at Table 2: The Offspring "Come Out and Play" reprise

Saw an article today that The Offspring has dumped their drummer from an upcoming tour for not getting vaccinated, so I've re-written the lyrics to the song "Come Out and Play"

https://www.loudersound.com/news/the-offspring-fire-drummer-pete-parada-for-refusing-to-get-covid-19-vaccine

Come Out and Play

You gotta keep 'em separated

Like the latest fashion
Like a spreading disease
The kids are strappin' on their way to the classroom
Getting weapons with the greatest of ease
The gangs stake their own campus locale
And if they catch you slippin' then it's all over pal
If one guys colors and the others don't mix
They're gonna bash it up

Hey - man you talkin' back to me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated
Hey - man you disrespecting me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated
Hey they don't pay no mind
If you're under 18 you won't be doing any time
Hey, come out and play

By the time you hear the siren
It's already too late
One goes to the morgue and the other to jail
One guy's wasted and the other's a waste
It goes down the same as the thousand before
No one's getting smarter
No one's learning the score
Your never ending spree of death and violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope

Chorus

It goes down the same as the thousand before
No one's getting smarter
No one's learning the score
Your never ending spree of death and violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope

Chorus








This is the Way

You gotta get ‘em vaccinated

It’s the latest fashion
All this COVID disease
The kids are coughin’ on their way to the classroom
Getting COVID with the greatest of ease
QAnon stakes its own campus locale
And if they catch you vaxxin’ then it's all over pal
If we know reality and MAGA don't mix
We’re gonna vax it up vax it up vax it up!

Hey - man you talkin' back to me?
Take him out
You gotta get ‘em vaccinated 
Hey - man you coughing over me?
Take him out
You gotta get ‘em vaccinated 
Hey they don't pay no mind
If you're over 18 you can vax at any time
Hey, this is the way!

By the time you get vented
It's already too late
You’re going to the morgue and your family wails
Another life wasted because their brain is debased
You go down the same as 500 thousand before
MAGAs getting dumber
Q’s rotten to the core
Evangelical pastors spewing sermons of hate
They’re gonna tie their own rope tie their own rope

Chorus

You go down the same as half a million before
MAGAs getting dumber
Q’s rotten to the core
Evangelical pastors spewing sermons of hate
They’re gonna tie their own rope tie their own rope

Chorus

Hey hey, then you can go out and play!

Overheard at Table 1: To Teach or Not to Teach the 1921 Tulsa Race Riots

High School: So today we're going to learn about the 1921 Tulsa Race Riots

Conservative Group: You can't teach that! 

HS: Why not?

CG: Because it will make white kids feel bad about themselves.

HS: Why would it make them feel bad about themselves.

CG: Because Black people got killed.

HS: And why should that make white kids feel bad about themselves?

CG: Because they got killed ... by white people.

HS: And did these kids - both either black or white - actually do the killing?

CG: Of course not, they weren't even born then.

HS: And did you or I do the killing?

CG: We weren't born then either.

HS: Then why should any of us feel bad about ourselves when we learn what other people did to each other before we were born?

CG: Because we look like them, blacks and whites.

HS: And how, exactly, would NOT teaching about the 1921 Race Riots change what we look like now.

CG: Not at all!  And that's the way we like it!  Keep everything the same.

HS: Keep the country a place where the 1921 Tulsa Race Riots happened, continue to happen, and will happen again.

CG: Yes ... no ... what?  DAMN YOUR CRITICAL RACE THEORY!

 

Overheard at Booth 1: If Writers Spoke Like Hip-Hop Artists

 If Writers Spoke like Hip-Hop Artists

Charles Dickens “I am the greatest of the greatest!  Ain’t no one drop tomes like my tomes!”

Williams Shakespeare, “Bitch, please!  ‘tis a crime to ty to touch my rhymes, my plays are the most sublime across all time, women and men alike quicken and quake at the rapt ecstasy of my prosody!”

Stephen King, “It’s in my name, I’m the KING!  I can write one sentANCE and make y’all piss yo’ PANTS.  My stories are chock full of gory glory and glory gory halleLUjah, you know you been read to the dead once I been through ya!”

Emily Dickinson, “My poetry so tight, make you beg to get wid me tonight, but you just keep on beggin, a’right?  Cuz this lady is OUT-A-SITE!!   And don’t you try to get up in here wid no queer beer, this lady deserves the fine wine, before you get to dine, and if you be kind, I might just give you a taste …”

Langston Hughes, “I’m the only one here who is STREET with a BEAT! Boom! Get back to yo’ room!”

Toni Morrison, “My books got the hooks, and they leave the people shook, to the core and more, after MY game ain’t no one ever the same.  Ain’t no other writer ever come CLOSE to the power of my PROSE!”

Jack Kerouac  “I can drop a novel in three days and not even sleep and still drink everybody under the table cuz my prose got the jazz beat and the beat is a beat down and cross the country from town to town and when you get beat by the Kerouac, Jack, you KNOW you done been beat, you don’t even try to get up off the floor, you just stay down, clown!”

Ernest Hemingway “I write novels with six words.”  *drops mic*

Overheard at Table 3: Every Word a Myth

The Atheist: Every word of the Bible is a MYTH!

The Follower of Christ: Every word?

A: Every.  Word.

F: Even Proverbs 15:1?

A: Yes, even that one.

F: A soft word turns away wrath?

A: YES!  IT'S A MYTH!

F: How is that a myth.

A: 'Cuz you're sitting there all quiet and smug and I'm still PISSED OFF AT YOU!!!!