Overheard at Booth 1: Survivor, a 2015 Movie

Niall Carter: all I gotta say about this one is that this has got to be the umpteenth movie that I've seen where the "deadliest" assassin in the world, blows apart an apartment door with a bomb, and then comes in with a silencer on his gun.  I mean, seriously?  Why bother with the silencer when you've just blown open a door.  In an apartment building.  In MANHATTAN!

Now listen, I may not know any assassins personally (although I've got my suspicions about my pal Johnny over there) but I do know that they get paid for getting the job done without anyone knowing about it.   This trope in the movies just bugs me.

The only bright side about this flick was Milla Jovovich's eyes.  Man, those eyes kill me every time!

Overheard at Booth 3: Dreaming of You

Husband:  I had a dream about you last night.

Wife: Really?  What kind of dream.

Husband:  Erotic dream.  We were making love on the beach.

Wife: Was it me?

Husband:  Whaddaya mean?  Of course it was you.  Who else would it be?

Wife: Whenever I dream of you having sex you're always having sex with some other woman?

Husband:  Really?  Anyone in particular?

Wife:  Like I'd tell you!   No, you're just having sex with other women.

Husband:  Do you ever dream of me having sex with Salma Hayek?  Oh please!  Oh please!

Wife: See how you are?  See how you are!  I can't believe you - and here I am this morning having prayed for you to be a godly husband!

Husband:  Well, at least you know that I know how to spot an angel!

Overheard at Table 2: Choices

"This whole new parenting style 'choices' thing just goes all through me.  The other day, there was this lady at the grocery store, and her little toddler was going for some can, and I hear this mom say, 'is that the best choice?' in that phony 'mom' voice and I'm thinking to myself, 'how the hell does this kid know if it's the best 'choice' or not - I mean give the kid a break!  He's 2 frikkin' years old!  All he knows is 'PRETTY COLORS"'

"I think the focus is to raise the children to think independently."

"But a two year old CAN'T think independently.  Look, being able to make a choice requires 2 things: information and reasoning.  You have to have enough information to be able to know there is a distinction between courses of action, and you have to have reasoning to know what might be the results of the action.  Look, if you and I go out to buy a house, we look can make a choice only when we know the price, the school system, the tax base, the commute, the inspectors reports."

"The mom wasn't asking the kid to buy a house.  She was asking him not to touch a can on a shelf."

"Then she should say 'don't touch that!'  Simple!  But don't give this BS that he has a 'choice'!  Look, that kid doesn't know what that can is.  He doesn't know if walking into the street is going to get him flattened by a car or if a pot of boiling water is going to burn his hand.  He can NOT make choices!"

"So glad our children are almost grown.  We don't have to deal with that."

"Until we get grandkids.  I can see Samantha buying into this.  I kid you not, honey, if Sam gives me this 'choices' crap I'm disowning her . . . but she can still bring the grandkids around."

"I'll let her know.  Sure she'll be right on board.  But be ready for her to text you saying that you're not making a very good choice."

Overheard at Booth 2: Virtue and Vice

"In my class we're going over the works of Samuel Johnson, man there were a lot of quotes in those times about virtue and vice!  So I got to thinking, were they more virtuous then than we are today?"

"Aw hell no! They weren't no more virtuous or full of vice than we are today.  They just THOUGHT about it more.  With a lot more intensity, y'might say.  They knew when they were being virtuous or succumbing to their vices.  The only different of today is that we've gotten rid of this whole concept of shame, so we simply call virture and vice 'personal choices' so we don't have to think about them."

Overheard at Table 2: GOP Presidential Candidates

"There has GOT to be some sort of pool in Vegas about the GOP candidates.   There is absolutely no way that these guys could have all come out in force at one time.  I just wanna look at the GOP and say 'Really?   300 million people in this country, and this is the best you can give us?'"

Overheard at Table 4: Sheep! You're ALL SHEEP!!

"One of the greatest days of my life, it was 1993, September I think, I'd been working at this cube farm for about 6 months or so.  Total mess, all day long, collecting credit card debt.  Call after call.  Huge floor, had about 30 of these circular pods, about 5 of us to a pod.  No one ever really talking to each other all that much, just little hushed whispers in between call after call, and at the end of one call, mid-afternoon, I just stood up and yelled

"SHEEP!   YOU ARE ALL SHEEP!

"Then, I got my shit and started walking calmly toward the door before they could call security to escort me out."

Overheard at Booth Three: Grooming Your Husband

Wife: You do this all the time.

Husband: Do what all the time?

Wife: The same look.  Every time I tell you about something you need to do to better your health you look at me like I'm some screaming bitch.

Husband:  Bitch?  No.  Never.   ... you CAN get a bit screamy though.

Wife: I just think you need to take care of yourself better.  Using cleanser on your face will help take care of some of those wrinkles you're starting to get.

Husband: I thought you said you wanted me to look distinguished.

Wife: Distinguished, yes.  Old, no.  But every time I tell you to clean them, you give me that look.  That look like you can't stand hearing about it.

Husband: Maybe it's your timing.  You spring this stuff on me either a) in the morning, when we're rushing to get ready for work, or b) right before bed, when we're both flat-out exhausted.

Wife: Well, then do it right when you get home from work then.  Cleanse your face.

Husband: Listen, that's just one more thing to put into my daily routine.  One more thing.  I've already got a million things I have to do every day.  Why do I gotta do this one more thing?

Wife: Do you wipe your ass every time you take a dump?

Husband: I would hope you know the answer to that.

Wife: Do you think that wiping your ass is just "one more thing"?

Husband: No.

Wife: Then think of putting cleanser on your face when you get home every day as wiping the entire day's shit - the shit of dust and grease and pollution and sweat - off your face.   There.   Now it's not just "one more thing"

Husband: Damn you sure have a way of putting things into perspective.