Amanda: Was is Jay-Z I heard attacked a guy with a stanchion?
Ronnie: What's a stanchion?
Amanda: Those things that make lines. Like the lines you wait in. You know, they stand straight up and you hook the velvet ropes to?
Ronnie: Cool. How'd you know that word?
Amanda: Because I just had to order some for the branch. Had to Google 'em to find out what they were.
Ronnie: Cool. And no. It wasn't Jay-Z. It was Kanye West, I think.
Amanda: Which one's married to Katy Perry?
Ronnie: Neither one. Russell Brand was married to Katy Petty but I think they split up. P Diddy is married to J-Lo.
Amanda: I thought some Cuban guy was married to J-Lo.
Ronnie: Hell, girl, EVERYbody's been married to J-Lo.
Amanda: True. So true.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Overheard at Booth 4: Two cousins having coffee, when suddenly . . .
G: Oh. My. GAWD!
N: What?
G: Is that Julian Rosetti who just ran by here with no shirt on?
N: Who's Julian Rosetti?
G: Oh, prima, I sO wish you went to school here with me. That is JULIAN Rosetti, he is SO unbelievably hot!
N: Like, how hot is he?
G: He is SO hot he ALmost inspires me to go running after him.
N: With no shirt on?
G: You know it!
N: What?
G: Is that Julian Rosetti who just ran by here with no shirt on?
N: Who's Julian Rosetti?
G: Oh, prima, I sO wish you went to school here with me. That is JULIAN Rosetti, he is SO unbelievably hot!
N: Like, how hot is he?
G: He is SO hot he ALmost inspires me to go running after him.
N: With no shirt on?
G: You know it!
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Overheard at Table 1: Cops, Blacks, Whites, Pool Parties
Billy: That cop resigned.
Joe: What cop?
Jim: The one in McKinney.
Bob: McKinney where?
Billy: McKinney Texas
Joe: What for?
Jim: For the pool party.
Bob: What pool party?
Billy: The pool party in McKinney Texas. Where you been, boy?
Joe: Here, mostly.
Jim: And there, some.
Bob: And roundabouts, mostly.
Billy: OK. That's settled then.
Joe: What?
Jim: I don't know.
Bob: The cop who resigned?
Billy: No. Where you all been.
Joe: So why did he resign over a pool party?
Jim: Pulled his gun on some kids.
Bob: Why'd he do that?
Billy: Probably because they were black.
Joe: I heard they were fighting.
Jim: Fighting with who?
Bob: Fighting with WHOM?
Billy: Yeah, them too.
Joe: They were fighting with the residents of the pool.
Jim: The people at the pool party said the black kids didn't belong there.
Billy: Ah. So it was the white neighbors who called the cops on the black kids?
Joe: Seems like it.
Jim: Sounds to me like the white people need to resign.
Bob: They have resigned. They've resigned themselves to calling the cops whenever black skin touches their white water.
Billy: Sad.
Joe: That's Texas for you.
Jim: Or America.
Bob: Looks to me like it's gonna be a looooooong hot summer.
Joe: What cop?
Jim: The one in McKinney.
Bob: McKinney where?
Billy: McKinney Texas
Joe: What for?
Jim: For the pool party.
Bob: What pool party?
Billy: The pool party in McKinney Texas. Where you been, boy?
Joe: Here, mostly.
Jim: And there, some.
Bob: And roundabouts, mostly.
Billy: OK. That's settled then.
Joe: What?
Jim: I don't know.
Bob: The cop who resigned?
Billy: No. Where you all been.
Joe: So why did he resign over a pool party?
Jim: Pulled his gun on some kids.
Bob: Why'd he do that?
Billy: Probably because they were black.
Joe: I heard they were fighting.
Jim: Fighting with who?
Bob: Fighting with WHOM?
Billy: Yeah, them too.
Joe: They were fighting with the residents of the pool.
Jim: The people at the pool party said the black kids didn't belong there.
Billy: Ah. So it was the white neighbors who called the cops on the black kids?
Joe: Seems like it.
Jim: Sounds to me like the white people need to resign.
Bob: They have resigned. They've resigned themselves to calling the cops whenever black skin touches their white water.
Billy: Sad.
Joe: That's Texas for you.
Jim: Or America.
Bob: Looks to me like it's gonna be a looooooong hot summer.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Overheard at Booth 4: Timmy to Tammy
Keiko Rajo: You wouldn't beLIEVE what my little Timmy said the other day!
Jean Guate: Omigod, what?
Keiko Rajo: We came out as TRANSgender.
Jean Guate: How's THAT for being super-smart? And he's only four!
Keiko Rajo: Actually, three and seven months. But isn't it BRILliant? I mean, to be so certain at that age!
Jean Guate: You must be so proud!
Keiko Rajo: He said to me, "Mom, I won't be a boy any more! I'm gonna be called TAMMY."
Jean Guate: They are so CERTAIN these days! So SURE of them selves.
Keiko Rajo: Yes. We start the surgeries on Friday.
Jean Guate: No time to waste! Life is short!
Keiko Rajo: It sure is!
Jean Guate: Omigod, what?
Keiko Rajo: We came out as TRANSgender.
Jean Guate: How's THAT for being super-smart? And he's only four!
Keiko Rajo: Actually, three and seven months. But isn't it BRILliant? I mean, to be so certain at that age!
Jean Guate: You must be so proud!
Keiko Rajo: He said to me, "Mom, I won't be a boy any more! I'm gonna be called TAMMY."
Jean Guate: They are so CERTAIN these days! So SURE of them selves.
Keiko Rajo: Yes. We start the surgeries on Friday.
Jean Guate: No time to waste! Life is short!
Keiko Rajo: It sure is!
Overheard at Booth 2: Granite Flats
Clare O'Casey: So what'd you think of that new show on Netflix last night?
Dever Dodd: Weren't you there?
Clare O'Casey: I fell asleep, remember?
Dever Dodd: Well that's always a good indicator. But you were spot on. That show is a good example of how NOT to script a television series.
Clare O'Casey: From what I watched everyone seemed a little like they didn't really want to be there.
Dever Dodd: Neither the actors or the people watching it.
Clare O'Casey: So that means tonight we can go back to watching Las Aparicio?
Dever Dodd: [sigh] Yes, I guess. If you HAVE to!
Dever Dodd: Weren't you there?
Clare O'Casey: I fell asleep, remember?
Clare O'Casey: From what I watched everyone seemed a little like they didn't really want to be there.
Dever Dodd: Neither the actors or the people watching it.
Clare O'Casey: So that means tonight we can go back to watching Las Aparicio?
Dever Dodd: [sigh] Yes, I guess. If you HAVE to!Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Poem of the day: Old Boston, memories of...
We ducked the serrated winds of November
by cramming ourselves through the door
of the Firehouse Pub.
Laughing, we shook the cold
into memory and
found ourselves up against
last call.
Two brothers,
looking like they had been
twins since the world was new,
stood and stooped at the
open mic and piano,
playing old Billy Joel songs,
(but only those from The Stranger
thank
God!)
With your freshly-ex's credit card
We bought a round for everyone
And we closed that bar down that night
Singing, "Only the Good Die Young."
by cramming ourselves through the door
of the Firehouse Pub.
Laughing, we shook the cold
into memory and
found ourselves up against
last call.
Two brothers,
looking like they had been
twins since the world was new,
stood and stooped at the
open mic and piano,
playing old Billy Joel songs,
(but only those from The Stranger
thank
God!)
With your freshly-ex's credit card
We bought a round for everyone
And we closed that bar down that night
Singing, "Only the Good Die Young."
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Overheard at Table 1: Tired of the Duggars
You know what? I'm tired of hearing about the Duggars, and mainly it's not the whole son-molester bit, but I really get torqued when I read all this smack about the Duggar woman being all ANTI-feminism by asking girls to dress nice. Like all us Christian women are so uptight and moral and have no sex and don't want anyone to enjoy it or whatever. Look, I'm a Christian woman and I LOVE sex! Sex is fantAStic and I thank HOLY GOD, but if I could write for one of these magazines, I'd say this...
I'd tell 'em, listen. I'm not for what this Duggar woman does, with the no-fixing-up-your hair and the Pentecostal jeanskirts, but listen, my daughter's about ready to wrap up her senior year in high school and this year has been HOLY HELL living with her! She needs to be saving up money for college, because we can foot the bill for the classes but we just can't afford the dorms. But instead of saving any money for her dorms, she just went out and blew $256 on disposable contact lenses.... DISPOSABLE! These things won't last her 6 months!
And the clothes she suddenly got into this year! Oh - my - GOD! I'm all for free expression, but we've had some serious conversations over these skirts she's wearing. It's like she's put a sign right across her butt saying TOUCH THIS.
Again, we were never like the Amish and I'd never be for putting our girls in burkas or anything, but there is a point where modesty comes into play here. You know, less is more, right? Well, she's showing more and more and she looks less and less classy.
So on that level, yeah, I'll admit, I agree with the Duggar woman. Not saying that any woman deserves what she gets, because that's a load of crap, but at some point there has to be a balance between looking good and looking cheap. It's called modesty. Doesn't mean you're wrapped up head to foot, it just means you wear clothes that are nice, nice fitting, nice compliment to the shape, and not have your T-n-A spilling out all over the floor!
I'd tell 'em, listen. I'm not for what this Duggar woman does, with the no-fixing-up-your hair and the Pentecostal jeanskirts, but listen, my daughter's about ready to wrap up her senior year in high school and this year has been HOLY HELL living with her! She needs to be saving up money for college, because we can foot the bill for the classes but we just can't afford the dorms. But instead of saving any money for her dorms, she just went out and blew $256 on disposable contact lenses.... DISPOSABLE! These things won't last her 6 months!
And the clothes she suddenly got into this year! Oh - my - GOD! I'm all for free expression, but we've had some serious conversations over these skirts she's wearing. It's like she's put a sign right across her butt saying TOUCH THIS.
Again, we were never like the Amish and I'd never be for putting our girls in burkas or anything, but there is a point where modesty comes into play here. You know, less is more, right? Well, she's showing more and more and she looks less and less classy.
So on that level, yeah, I'll admit, I agree with the Duggar woman. Not saying that any woman deserves what she gets, because that's a load of crap, but at some point there has to be a balance between looking good and looking cheap. It's called modesty. Doesn't mean you're wrapped up head to foot, it just means you wear clothes that are nice, nice fitting, nice compliment to the shape, and not have your T-n-A spilling out all over the floor!
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