Saturday, July 2, 2016

Overheard at Table 3: Spectre (2015)

I just finished watching Spectre and my first thought is "what the hell just happened here?"
No it wasn't that the plot was confusing.  If anything, the simplicity of it was galling.
Bond villains are supposed to be as cool as Bond himself, and they're supposed to be hell bent on taking over the world.  This one is, but he's also taking the time to drill into Bond's skull, telling the blond Frenchie Bond girl "If I hit the right spot he won't remember you."

Heck!  He just met the girl!  Schtupped her once in a train car after they just had been smashed around the dining car by the traditional Heavy Hitter Hitman.  (This one's trademark, by the way, is a set of steel thumbnails - don't let him get those bad boys near your eye sockets - just warning ya!)

And THEN the bad guy turns out to be James Bond's adoptive brother?  Who hates Jimmy because Daddy found the young Bond and took him under his wing and taught him how to ski?  So basically we're to believe that THIS particular evil villain is really just some sissy with daddy issues?  For REAL?   With a - what - 220 million dollar budget, THIS is the best they could come up with?

Hel-en A. Hand-basket!  What utter tripe.  You know, I could handle Skyfall with the whole "my childhood was traumatized so I became Batman - er - I mean - 007" but this is one step too far.

What's in line for next movie?  The girl he stood up for prom wants to start a nuclear war and wipe out the entire human population?   Well, a female Evil Villain does kinda sound like an interesting idea, but if they make her some girl he shunned as a teenager, well I'll probably just rip out my hair and puke into my popcorn.

Summary -
Action scenes: Good - really good.  Not great.  Really good.
Dialogue: cheesy.
Cinematography: A little too heavy on the greenscreen, but many time it looks like the 60s & 70s Bond film work, which kinda gives it that nostalgic feel.
Characters: bland bland bland bland and - oh yeah - did I forget?  BLAND.
I kid you not, the best character in this entire film was the car that Bond used in a chase scene in Rome.  Poor car ended up at the bottom of the Tiber, probably thanking God that it was released from having to work another minute in this turkey!


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