Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Overheard at Table 1: Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

The idea generated by the title is what really sustains this movie all the way through, that, and that super-cool ax.   Taking the Lincoln legend of the little hatchet that is attributed to his persona and making that a symbol of a powerful vampire-killin' machine, well, that's nothing short of brilliant.

Unfortunately, though, the rest of the movie is not.   Abe is your standard Clark Kent/Superman persona, in the guise of nerdy schopclerk by day/vampire killer by night.    Mary Todd shows the only bit of acting potential, as she played coy, demure, but also exploded as a grieving mother (in only one scene, though, then the kid's forgotten)

That, and we also have a token "negro best friend" and your standard washed-up drunk friend (he's not a drunk, per se, but you see the type) and then there's the arch-enemy named Adam (Rufus Sewell) who really is trying to take over the world (although he SAYS he just wants a little place for his kind!)

But hey, we're not here for the acting, or even the plot, we're here for some vampire-killin'   Well, there's plenty of buckets of black blood in this monster.    Hacking and slashing everywhere you go, and some nice CG choreography.  You know, there's so much CG these days you wonder if we really even need to have actors any more?    I see this movie as a giant video game.   I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't already out there.   You are Abe Lincoln, you can throw the axe and have it boomering back to you like Captain America's shield or Batman's batarang, or you can turn it over and use it as a machine gun.   You hunt vampires through narrow alleys, or in train cars, or on tops of train cars, or on top of train cars on bridges that are on fire (At one point in the movie, there's a little engine that is going "i think i can i think i can i think i can!")

And the R rating is the biggest joke.    I think I've finally figured out the rating system.   It's based solely on the F-bomb.   You drop the F-word once in a movie, automatic R rating.   They say it was the pervasive violence, but truly, there's no more hacking and slashing in this one than in any other movie of this type.    Gotta be the F-bomb.

Especially considering that we also say Rock of Ages (PG-13) same day, which had so much skin it looked like a Victoria's Secret commercial.    Tom Cruise tongueing a woman's bottom singing he wants to know what love is.    I'm not a prude, and it was a very nice bottom, but the difference in ratings shows we as a society do not have our priorities straight.    That's not part of this review - this last paragraph is a freebie!

Oh yeah, there was this really tasty fight scene with the blond vampiress trapping Abe to the floor with a chair and her boots, in a position of which Mrs. Lincoln would definitely have not approved, let me say!  

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