Overheard at Booth 1: The Precision of the English Language

Lady #1: I was walking out of Target the other day, and I overheard this woman talking to the person behind the counter at the Customer Service, you know, returns and everything, and the clerk was saying, "Did you get that for this or did you get this for that?" and the woman said, "I got those for these."

Lady #2: English . . . it's such a precise language.

Overheard at Table 2: Putumayo Smooth Brazil

Tim: Ah man, I love this song! My wife's been checking out all these same CDs from the library, all these from Putumayo . . . my favorite are the Brazilian singers. Man, I love Portuguese! They could be singing "I need to get some lentils at the grocery store this afternoon" for all I know, but to me it sounds like they're saying, "Relax while I sponge you with coconut water and let you drink full from my honeyed lips!"





Roy: Dude! You been readin' some dirty porn on the side or somethin?





Tim: Nah, dude, I think it's from the Bible. Song of Solomon.

At the Counter: The Conspiracy to Kill the Middle Class

Niall Carter is saying to John Steppenwolf: they were talking about how in Damascus most of the people who get their infomration are still getting it on these ancient black-n-white tvs, and even though all of us think that every Arab's walking around with a cellphone Tweeting all about the revolution, really the only people who have access to that kind of technology are only in that slight sliver of what they might call the Middle Class . . . so I was thinking about that and I was thinking that the Middle Class is really what's dangerous, y'know, not the poor, because the poor can be oppressed, and most of the time they're too busy just scrambling for food to eat to form much of a danger to the ruling class. I mean, we may believe all those lies they tell us about the French Revolution and how the poor rose up against the rich, but it was really formed in the cafes - a lot like this one, by the way - and you tell me, who's got time to be sitting in cafes talking about revolution?

John Steppenwolf: [after a pause] You do?

Niall Carter: Exactly! Middle class! So, the most dangerous thing to the ruling class is the Middle Class - those with enough money to have their basic needs met, which gives them time to think about more, and more, and what's right and wrong, and what's fair or not. So, that brings us here, to America, with all the layoffs of teachers and police and fireman and other government workers, because they are what is left of the Middle Class. The united Workers used to be Middle Class, until Big Business killed that just by shipping all the jobs overseas, so they could fill up the lower class while sticking more giant thick wads of green into their own greasy pockets, and now they're well on their way to shredding what is left of the Middle Class here in America . . . why?

John Steppenwolf: Budget cuts?

Niall Carter: No! To protect themselves! Once there is no Middle Class, what's left will be below the poverty line, and too disenfranchised to ever make any sort of real opposition.

John Steppenwolf: You forget one thing, though.

Niall Carter: What's that?

John Steppenwolf: Our poor have cell phones. Our poor Tweet. Our poor Facebook. They'll never be some poor Damascus shopkeeper watching the government crack down on dissenting students on a black and white tv. Doesn't fit into your Conspiracy Theory.

Niall Carter: [after a thought] Oh well, Revolution is relative.

Overheard at Booth 1: Military Suicides

Roy: Heard that Obama's administration made it so that they would now send condolence letters to soldiers who commit suicide.

Tim: I thought they always did.

Roy: Apparently they did to those guys who kill themselves in an actual combat zone, but not to those guys who come home and blow themselves away.

Tim: That's cold.

Roy: Well, I've got an idea that'll stop soldiers from killing themselves at all . . . how about we STOP F[EXPLETIVE DELETED]G SENDING THEM OFF TO WAR!"

Overheard at Table 4: The English are Much Obliged

"I've been watching those BBC shows for the past month and they're frikkin fanTAStic! Bleak House, Northanger Abbey, Little Dorrit . . . man I love those Brits, especially how every little phrase takes on such intense meaning, like, you know, when they say:

"'I am much obliged to you.'

"That could mean either: 'Thank you so kindly for this lovely box of chocolates!'

"or! It could mean: 'Next time I see you I'm going to shove a hot poker in your eye!'

"See? Brilliant!"

Overheard at Booth 5: Time Magazine April 2011 issue

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2065289,00.html


So, are you talking about the article about the guy who's saying there's no hell?
Well, if there's no hell, then why are the Christians trying to scare it out of all of us?
Do they just need this imaginary punishment to try to make us be "good" or their concept of good?

Hold on, I'll try to get to your questions . . .

Overheard at the Counter: Glenn Beck

John Steppenwolf: So I was listening to Glenn Beck on the radio coming back into town the other day.

The Barista: And just why were you listening to hate radio?

Steppenwolf: It was a boring drive. I was trying to stay awake. But anyway, it was aMAZing, how this guy could shove in 1) a rant against MSNBC, 2) a revisionist history of how the Founding Fathers were "actually abolitionists" 3) a misquote from the book of Isaiah "turning good for evil and evil for good" 4) using that as a sounding board to promote Israel, while 5) stating that the reason that America exists is to protect other people's right to exist (meaning, obviously, only so long as those other people are - Israel, 6) and somehow tie it all up with a slipped in advertisemtent for a company that sells investment commodities - apparently if you call them today and give them Glenn Beck's name you'll get a great deal in gold and silver. People laughed at Glenn last year when he said gold would go up by twenty and look who's laughing now! Call today!

Barista: Don't worry about it. Everyone knows he's psycho.

Steppenwolf: Yeah, but the truly sad thing is that we let this psycho rule the airwaves.

Barista: Free speech, dude.

Steppenwolf: In a country where we pride ourselves on letting everyone have a voice, we actually encourage some voices to scream louder than others, and believe me, when I think that THIS is what we support - enough to give him his OWN network! - really . . . what does that say about us?